Do You Miss Emeril's Bologna?

Food television has changed.  Early on there was Julia Child, followed by The Galloping Gourmet and others. Later, when the  Food Network started, you could tune in and get ideas on what to make for dinner.  You could learn new recipes by watching Mario.  He was fun to watch  despite his poor fashion sense.

Mario always wears these
 

  He would make homemade pasta look easy. And fun.



 Or you could watch Emeril bam! his way around a kitchen, while at least once, trying but failing to stuff an entire  bologna into an oven.  There was Paula cooking with butter, and the slightly pretentious, but likeable Barefoot Contessa cooking up gourmet dinners and ladies luncheons in her Hamptons kitchen, to name just a few.

Lately, though, Food Network is mostly contests instead of cooking.  If you ever need to make 750 cupcakes in an hour and a half, or if you have to make chicken noodle soup with one hand tied behind your back, or stir with a shovel, food television is for you.  If you want to make dinner using leftover fermenting salmon, cotton candy, dragon fruit and brazil nuts there's a show that'll help.

It seems as if food television has become a reflection of ourselves.  Many of us don't have the time to cook, and when we do, we are juggling soccer schedules, dance practices, music lessons and work schedules to fit it in.   These food contests are helpful after all.  How fast can you whip a corndog and pretzel dinner with pickles as the vegetable because you didn't have time to shop, (Guy's Grocery Games), and making dinner from what's  in the refrigerator.(Chopped)  I can also see that knowing  who has the best pizza  might come in handy when you're looking for new places to add to your speed dial.  (The Best Of..)





green vegetable
 

I for one though, look forward to the day that  Food Network goes back to real cooking, even if some of us don't have the time or the inclination to cook that way. Maybe, instead of being a reflection, they can show us who we could be, if we choose.  Television doesn't have to be about real life.  Just watch The Real Housewives of  New Jersey and you'll see that.

Bonnie Breaks Her Oven

My friend Bonnie called this morning, "My oven is broken. Want to come shopping with me to buy a new one?  The old one is a goner."

"Really? How do you know it's broken?" I asked.  Bonnie (for those that don't know)  is not a cook, and rarely, if ever, uses her kitchen. "And, are you sure you need one?  You'll save a ton of money if you just get a toaster oven."

"Ha, you're funny!" said Bonnie. "I do use it sometimes.  That's why it's broken, actually.  I went to reheat  pizza on my pizza stone, and the whole oven starting crackling and popping and gray smoke filled the kitchen! It smelled awful!"

"You have a pizza stone?" I gasped. The fire didn't faze me.  It had happened before.

"Yes, I got one for Christmas." Bonnie said impatiently.  "Will you come with me or not? We have to stop at the paint store too.  Bobby wants to repaint the kitchen ceiling to hide the scorch marks."

"Did you leave something in there with the pizza stone?"  I couldn't help it, I was giggling a little.

"Will you stop?  But yes, the firemen found something melted in the bottom. That's what stunk so bad.  Whatever it was shorted out the electrical system.  Even those burner thingy's on top don't work anymore. Do you want to come with me or..."  Bonnie got quiet all of a sudden.

"Bonnie, you stopped talking.  What is it?"

"I just realized what was in the oven." she answered slowly.

"What was it?" I was intrigued.

"I think it was my plastic baby Jesus!"

" Your what?? Jesus!"

"That's right."

"Well how did it get in your oven?  And how did you not see a plastic baby Jesus in there when you put in the pizza?"

"It  must have got jammed in the back.  And I hadn't put the pizza in yet.  I was preheating the oven first.  I tossed it in there a couple of days ago when company came over. It was sitting on the counter and I wanted it out of the way. I forgot to put it in with the rest of the Christmas decorations, so it wasn't put away yet." she explained as if  all of this was logical."

"So you broke your oven by baking a baby Jesus."  I marveled. It was wrong on so many levels.

"You make it sound bad. It's not like I did it on purpose!" Bonnie said defensively. "Are you coming with me, or not?" she snapped.

"Of course I'll come with you." I said. "Maybe we can still find a sale on Christmas nativity figures. You're going to need a new baby Jesus. We can get you an oven and hey, we'll skip the plastic and get a ceramic, ovenproof  Jesus this time. We can get them both, and the paint in one trip.  It'll be fun!" I was enthusiastic.

"I wish I hadn't told you." Bonnie complained. "I'm never going to hear the end of this!"

"Can I tell the  salesperson what happened?"

"I hate you. " said Bonnie.

Mayo vs. Miracle Whip

 Me:  "I know a lot of people love it, but, I'm not a fan of Chef's.  I guess I just don't like their sauce."

Friend: "What!  Are you crazy! Everyone loves Chef's!  How can you not like it?"

Me: "Whoa, I'm sorry.  I didn't mean to insult them or anything.  I said I know a lot of people love Chef's.  They're just not MY favorite.  I know their spaghetti parm is very popular,  but it's just not for me."

Soon to be former friend:  "Well, that's just nuts.  Chef's is my favorite restaurant!  Spaghetti parm is the bomb! You suck!"
                 

Have you ever had a conversation like this?   Where it feels like you have hurt someone's feelings because you disagree on food choice?  Sometimes, you do have to be careful around this subject.  There are a few food choices that people are passionate about.  For example, there is the mayonnaise vs. Miracle Whip debate.  I have heard  people defend their choice for hours. For the record, I'm on the mayo team,  and only Hellmann's at that, but I do understand when someone likes Miracle Whip.  It's not their fault  really, they were just brought up wrong.


VS

 

Have you ever run into someone from Rochester who defends white hots?

I have, and it isn't pretty. If you're not familiar, white hots are some kind of goofy sausage they make there.  This person had the nerve to say that white hots are better than Sahlens hot dogs!

 

  I have never actually eaten a white hot, but I know they're NOT better.  That would be ridiculous.

Then there is the Coke vs. Pepsi debate. Or the Diet Coke vs. Diet Pepsi.  I could go on, but  I have just noticed a common thread with most of the food choices mentioned here.  They are terrible for you, and we shouldn't be eating (or drinking)  any of them. That won't stop the argument though.  I wonder which is worse, mayonnaise or Miracle Whip?  I think it's Miracle Whip......

New Year"s food traditions

My maternal grandmother ate  herring for good luck on New Year's Eve as I was growing up.

She got the idea from her mother, who had been born in Germany. where this was  tradition.   She would fish one or two of the silvery, slimy things out of the jar she brought every year, and swallow them down at midnight. "Icky Grandma!"  We would say "How can you eat that? It smells funny!"  We would then throw out the remaining fish around the fourth of July, which, I guess,  was also part of the tradition.

I got to thinking about New Year's food traditions and a quick google search indicated that the bison chip dip my family now eats is not one of the foods people eat traditionally.

Some that are include grapes.  In Spain people eat exactly twelve grapes at midnight. (a sour grape can indicate a bad month). People apparently eat all twelve grapes within the first minute.

I  wonder what happens if somebody has a coughing fit at say, grape eight, and can't finish.  Do they get really nervous when August rolls around?

Cooked greens are another big one in many cultures.  The greens represent money.  Hopping John is  common  in the south where some people need to eat one pea for each day of the year.  What if you cook up a huge pot for the family and are nine peas short?

In Turkey, people eat Pomegranates, Long Noodles are eaten in China and other Asian countries and Pork is popular in many countries.  The list goes on.

What traditions does your family follow?  Is it important to keep up these traditions, or to make your own?  Maybe the important part is just remembering those who introduced us to them in the first place.  I think next year I'm going to buy a jar of herring in honor of my grandmother. 

This is what we eat on New Year's Eve.  Filet, with mushroom sauce,  mashed potatoes and green beans. I don't know if it brings us luck and prosperity, but it tastes really good!